The Difficult Thing About Blogging

The difficult thing about writing this blog is that it's premise is to publish the discoveries I've found during my journeying. Discoveries about myself, about travel, about life, about cultures, and just realizationy bits in general. Which is... hard to do. I've been here almost 8 weeks and I don't feel particularly different. Everyone, including myself, kept saying, you are gunna change so much during this time. But besides my hair being a little longer, and my Italian being a little better, I look in the mirror and see the same girl, and I use the word girl very specifically, looking back at me. It reminds me of the sad realization I had that the monologue in my head (I use monologue rather than voice because it sounds less like I'm a crazy person) wasn't going to change much. The way I thought when I was nine, I thought, would magically revolutionize by the time I was nineteen. When I was about twelve I realized that was not going to be the case. The same disappointment is occurring. I had it in my head that in 10-12 weeks I could, or rather would, completely change. This is not the case. I see the world in essentially the same way. I feel similarly about myself, and my place in the world. I feel a little more at ease than usual, but that might be the warm weather and lack of strenuous school work, rather than a new emotional stability. Developments are happening, I'm learning, but they are minute, instable, and hard to put words to. I'm making discoveries, but really they are more like hypothesises-- yet tested ideas about the world that are based on observation. I'm a careful explorer, a careful scientist, and I don't want to publish findings that have not adequately been tested and applied. That's what makes this blog so hard. Because there are ideas rattling around in my head that have been spurred by my travels, but they are too young to be properly processed. I can feel them, swarming just below the surface of my conscious and comprehension, sometimes bubbling up in a muddled way that I spend hours trying to decipher. It takes more than 8 weeks to discover everything. Luckily I have 4 more weeks to sift through the chaos. I don't think I'll find anything too earth shattering in the net 4 weeks. Mostly clarification, I hope.